Stacey Beat Me, But It Was Still a Win!
Stacey beat me in the race. But for me, this was still a win. Here’s why:
My biggest competition for as long as I can remember has been myself. Clarification: not myself, but rather my negative thoughts. There’s a voice in my head that whispers Sweet Nothings to me, things like “You aren’t good enough.” “You might as well just give up now, you’ll never succeed.” “This is too much for you, you weren’t meant for this.”
For most of my life, not only did I fully believe that this voice was telling the truth, I listened like an obedient child, and I let it determine how I showed up to life.
But this weekend, it was different. I ran the Girly Girl Parts 5K this weekend. As we lined up at the start I noticed a woman who looked really strong, I could tell she was a great runner. She looked around my age so I figured she was in my age group. She looked familiar, but I couldn’t place her. I thought to myself “She’s the one to beat.”
The race started and we were neck and neck. I went just ahead of her. After a bit I heard her coming up behind me to pass me, I could hear her breathing. I knew it was her. I thought “Don’t let her pass you. Just stay ahead of her.” I did stay ahead, and I was successful, for 20 yards or so. Then she came at me again. I could feel her behind me, hear her breathing. She was trying to pass me again.
My thoughts again said “Don’t let her pass you.”
And I stayed ahead of her.
This cycle went on for the first two miles. Every time she came for me, I kicked it up a notch so she wouldn’t get by. I could hear her say something under her breath at one point. I knew exactly how she felt. I’ve been there. Between you and me (don’t tell Stacey this), I was really hoping she would go away. But she was super strong and she kept trying, again and again.
I told myself “Just keep ahead of her until she quits trying. At some point she’ll stop trying. Make her give up first.”
Here’s the mind blowing thing: I was winning my mental game. This is unheard of for me.
At past races (and let’s be honest, for much of my life, in any situation), when someone tries to beat me, or even challenges me in the slightest, I’ve let them pass me. And I’ve told myself “Well I tried. I’m doing the best I can. This is fine.” I haven’t had the mental fortitude to keep up, to challenge myself, to kick it up to stay ahead. I would quit on myself every time. But this time, my thoughts were supportive and strong. It’s *almost* like I thought I was good enough!
Now to the physical: My normal pace is around 9 mins per mile. On a fast day and a short-ish run, I can pace at 8:15. We were running 7:30 min miles. I knew I wasn’t trained for this pace. I was hoping that despite this fact, my body could hold out. I was hoping that this pace was too fast for her too. For me, after two miles in, the pace caught up with me. I physically couldn’t do it. My chest was hurting and my breathing was getting shallower and shallower. I really didn’t want to embarrass myself and risk having to walk or even crawl over the finish line.
I slowed, and she passed me, without even the slightest hesitation.
Stacey breezed by me and went on to beat me easily. She is a seasoned and accomplished runner. Honestly, I am no match for her. I don’t consider this a loss though, keep reading and I’ll tell you why.
When I crossed the finish line, she was waiting for me. She gave me a high five and we agreed “That was awesome!” At that point I realized it IS someone I know. We had run together a couple times in a running group over the summer. Holy crap! This is Stacey. The Stacey that is a Marathoner. THAT Stacey. I had actually been ahead of her for some of the race, and we had a great little race of our own within the race. (And I fully realize now that had I known it was her from the beginning, I probably would have given up right away, and my pace would have been much slower. It’s interesting how sometimes our mind defeats us before we’ve even begun…and how other times it helps us to be so much better. )
This was a win for me, because I won the mind game that day with myself. And as I’ve reflected on that for the past two days, I’m realizing how much progress I have made with my mindset.
My body wasn’t trained to keep that pace, but more importantly, my mind didn’t give up on me.
For me, the negative voices are getting quieter. They are being defeated. My supportive and positive voices are getting louder, and more frequent. When the negative voice comes up, I challenge it, and I intentionally switch it off. It’s even becoming automatic in some ways. I have tools now to do this. I understand how it works, where it’s coming from and most importantly, what to do when it shows up. This is incredible.
Mental fitness is just as important as physical fitness. I’ve been working specifically on my mental fitness since January, and I am seeing changes. Just like a regular workout routine changes your body over time, a mental fitness routine changes your brain over time. I’m building new neural pathways in my brain, and I’m seeing results.
This is how the results are showing up for me: in the not quitting, in the mental fortitude. It showed up in this race like a new friend that I can’t wait to get to know better. I’m still learning how to use this to reach my potential in other areas. But this train is a-rolling, and I’m loving it. It has allowed me to switch from a negative mindset to a positive one no matter what the current challenge is. I’m actually in awe at how much this mindset and mental fitness work has changed my life.
Stacey kicked my butt in that race, she is ROCK STAR, and I’m thrilled for her! Congrats Stacey!
I’m also thrilled for me and for my progress, both as a runner and as a person. I’m going to keep going! I’m going to work on training my body even better, while I keep pace with training my brain as well. See you out there!
P.S. I’d like to give a special mention to the GirlyGirl Parts 5K, which raises money for ovarian cancer research at Dana Farber Cancer Institute in Boston, MA. Team Nana runs in honor of my Mom, who we lost to ovarian cancer in 2013. Learn more about GGP (and donate if you want!) here: https://www.girlygirlparts.org/