Let’s Get To The Root Of It
This past weekend in Providence, RI I joined together with 10 talented women for a special coaching training and certification. We learned the HAIL™ technique, created and taught by the incredible Linda Rossetti. Her new book, Dancing with Disruption, will be released on May 5th, 2023. You can purchase it here.
More on the HAIL™ technique later, but I want to share something that I just realized:
As a coach, I am also a researcher.
During this powerful weekend, Linda dove deep into her ten years of research into how humans experience change or disruption in their lives. Her research was fascinating, and she discovered commonalities of experiencing change that had not yet been studied. Her deep dives with people who experienced change resulted in a new conversation around change, growth and personal transformation, and the development of the HAIL™ technique. I’m thrilled to be certified in this technique, which I now have in my toolbox to help my clients thrive.
As Linda demonstrated the HAIL™ technique on test subjects (others in the room who were also being trained), one thing in particular struck me: when she was speaking to her subject, she would often say “Can you give me one more sentence to describe that?” or “Can you give me one more sentence to help me understand?” In my observations I noticed that this was a powerful way to encourage the subject (client) to dig a little deeper.
All of us in the training were coaches, of differing backgrounds, certifications and specialties.
At one point during the weekend, Linda was asked “Are you sure you’re not a coach?” and we mentioned that she would make a fabulous one.
She laughed it off and explained that she is a researcher and an author with a mission to change the conversation around disruption and change.
This morning I was reflecting on the term “researcher” and it hit me - the similarities between what I do as a coach and what a researcher does. Someone who does research is digging deep to figure out a new truth. Exploring what’s underneath the surface. They are checking in on the current views and creating alternate views. They are seeking what’s underneath the surface of how things “appear to be.” They ask: “Is this true?” They then get to work on figuring it out.
Researchers take generally accepted principles and put them to the test.
As a coach, I take internally accepted limiting beliefs and help the client to unlearn or change them. I am always seeking new questions to ask that can tease a little bit more out of my clients. I learned a powerful way to do that this weekend, from an acclaimed researcher: “Can you give me one more sentence?”
So how do we get to the root of things?
Coaches often experience people seeking help with a certain “problem:” “My relationship isn’t working, and I don’t know what to do.” “I can’t lose weight no matter how hard I try.” “I’m unhappy in my career, but I can’t leave my job.”
In a coach/client relationship, we both become researchers. As part of our work together, we take a deep dive to explore what’s going on below the surface. Many times, the true issue or challenge isn’t what the client presents with. Rather, it’s a deep-seated limiting belief which creates emotions, and then the emotions cause a behavioral reaction which then leads to negative experiences. Think of it this way:
Beliefs become thoughts, thoughts become feelings, feelings lead to behaviors, behaviors create your current situation. These behaviors either serve you and support the life you want to live, or they don’t.
In equation form: Beliefs > Thoughts > Feelings > Behaviors > Your current (and future) existence
Here’s an example deconstructed from a former client:
Limiting Belief: “Money is scarce” (residual from growing up in a household that was on a tight budget. The limiting belief creates a thought)>
Thought: “I don’t have enough money.” (Thought creates the fear)>
Emotion: Fear (Fear creates the behavior)>
Behavior: Working overtime on the weekend and missing your children’s soccer games and family time. (Behaviors create the circumstances)>
Current circumstance: Burnt out; disconnected with spouse; discontent in marriage, feeling guilty and/or sad over missing family time.
As a coach and researcher, I start with the behaviors presented and we work backwards.
We start with the current situation and work to reveal the behaviors, then move on to discover the emotion behind the behavior, the thoughts behind the emotion, and the beliefs behind the thoughts. We go deeper and deeper until we get to the root of it.
As a coach and client we work together to turn over the stones and see what’s underneath them, just like I did when I was a kid exploring in the forest. Coaches have many different tools they use to help you get to the root. I’m thrilled that I have added HAIL™ to my toolbox.
As a coach (and now a researcher) I am often my own subject. I become an observer of self: observing my behaviors, observing how I’m showing up and reacting to life. I step outside myself and notice what I’m doing, and I ask:
“Am I showing up in a way that I want to?
In a way that is healthy?
In a way that makes my experience of life what I want?
In a way that makes the world better?”
And when the answer is “no” or “not really,” I become a researcher, to ask what’s going on underneath so I can change beliefs I have that may not support how I’m currently showing up, and who I want to be. I can’t wait to share this tool and this new technique with you. Stay tuned for more to come on HAIL™ and how we can use it to get to the root even more quickly!