How Slowing Down Helped Me To Move Forward
For years. I felt overwhelmed, like there was too much to do everyday. I was always exhausted. I was busy doing ALL THE THINGS, and yet somehow I could never get it all done. I carried a constant loop of “I’m not doing enough, I’m not doing it well, what’s wrong with me, why can’t I keep up?” in my head. It led to me living with anxiety daily. And spending time managing my anxiety, which of course led me to feeling even more behind on ALL THE THINGS.
One day I decided to stop. I needed to stop the madness. I could no longer do it. Stopping was HARD. I was certain that everything would come crashing down. My mind (nickname: Doomsday) told me that my business would fail. That my kids would be wandering the streets, hungry and wearing rags, since they no longer had a mom that could “do it all.” That I’d lose my home and be homeless, living in my car (would I even have a car?). That my friends would no longer be friends with me, and I’d be all alone. That my family would think I’m a failure and would be completely disappointed in me.
Does your brain travel straight to the doomsday lane on the highway too?
I knew it was coming, and a breakdown ensued. I cracked under the pressure. I could no longer carry the invisible burden. Through my forced pause, my tears, and my “What’s wrong with me” questions…I realized that for years I had been putting on a façade of being ok, and handling it all, when in fact I hadn’t been handling it well at all.
Once I cracked wide open, a beautiful thing happened. The world didn’t fall apart. I was still alive. My kids were ok. My friends and family still loved me. And when I put it all down, and the world kept going, I realized something. I realized that I had created my reality. I had put these invisible expectations on myself. I had told myself that I had to do it all. I compared myself to others and had decided that I needed to be just as good (or better) than everyone else…as a woman, as a Mom, in business, as a friend, and on and on. And I realized that no one can live up to the expectations I had for myself. No one.
And…* deep breath here *…I was the problem.
Once I identified that I was the main culprit in my impossible life, I knew I had to change my thinking. So I slowed down. I started paying attention to my patterns, and I began deciphering them, decoding them, and exploring them. I stopped trying to live up to ridiculous expectations. I began appreciating what was. I began accepting my capabilities. I began to celebrate the positives, instead of fixating on the negatives.
After working on myself for a while, I began to observe others, and began paying attention in a way that I never had before. In my observations, I realized that there were a lot of other people who tried to “do all the things” too. I began to see that adulting in today’s world actually isn’t easy for many people. I realized that even though I felt alone in my suffering, I actually was not alone at all.
So I began talking to people. I shared some of what I was going through. And lo and behold, people said “Me too.” And in the sharing, I found support, and I became a place where others could unload all that they are silently carrying. Then others didn’t feel so alone either. Talk about a win-win for emotional health. I hit the jackpot! And all I had to do was stop faking, and start being honest, vulnerable and authentic. (another * deep breath * moment).
As I grew and evolved, I realized this space, of safety, of vulnerability, of honesty with self, is missing in our lives. So I created a space, with help from a beautiful friend of mine, Annika.
It’s called Permission To Pause. As it evolved, I created a framework around it, so that we can take a step back, and ask ourselves some powerful questions. Questions that help to guide us to make decisions and choices that help us to thrive.
Permission to Pause has developed into so much more than I could have ever imagined. It’s now offered as an in-person workshop, as a virtual webinar, as a group zoom where I teach the framework and invite others to pause with me. It’s offered with yoga, without yoga, and also as a talk and discussion session, to inspire, and to teach people how much control they do have over their lives.
I love sharing the framework because it is easy to follow, and it shows us how in just a few small moments, we can change the direction of our day, and over time, our lives.
PAUSE
P = Pause
A= Assess
U – Understand
S = Shift
E = Embrace
I hope you’ll join me at an upcoming webinar, workshop or talk, where I share the details of the framework. If you want to hop on a call with me to learn more, I’m available.
In the meantime, this is a reminder that you are the most important person in your life. It’s ok to slow down. It’s ok to let some balls drop. You don’t have to do it all or live up to unhealthy expectations…from others, from society, from yourself.
Instead of taking care of it all, please take care of you; so that you can take care of the important people and things in your life…the things that are priorities for you. (Hint: remind yourself of your priorities daily).
Be kind to yourself and give yourself what you need to thrive.
Go and do, with grace,
xo,
Nancy
Recent PAUSE Workshop at Mattapoisett Wellness Studio