I Pulled a Rock Star Move, and Now I Feel Like Crap

Yesterday, I was a rock star! Instead of saying “Ok, that’s fine,” I spoke my truth. I used my voice to share my authentic thoughts and feelings. I did it in a kind and loving way, with intention and no drama.

So why am I having such a difficult wave of emotions today? Well, it’s because speaking up is still new to me, and I’m still getting comfortable with doing it.

When the foundation fell out from underneath me three years ago, I knew I had to build a new way. I had to build a solid foundation of my own, based on me, what I value, what my truth is, and how I want to live.

For most of my life, the foundation I stood on was built on the opinions of others. I valued what everyone else wanted, desired, thought I should be. I didn’t speak my truth, I kept my true thoughts to myself and went along with what was polite, or appropriate, or what I thought others wanted to hear.

The problem with that is, when you base who you are on the judgement or requirements of others, you will never be on a solid foundation. Because people change their minds and their opinions, trends change, society tells you this is ok one day, and it’s not the next day. People come and go, for many reasons, (and many of those reasons have nothing at all to do with us).

When you follow an outer compass, rather than honoring your inner compass, you will forever be chasing. You’ll find yourself seeking approval from others, trying to fit in, chasing that promotion or that job that will give you status. You’ll abandon yourself to please others. And if they don’t approve, or you don’t get there, you can find yourself feeling foundationless, devastated, and sad.

In the chasing and the people pleasing, we are putting the power of our happiness in the hands of others. I’ll say it in a different way: by chasing what others value, we are abandoning ourselves. We are removing any chance of true fulfillment, peace and happiness. Because those things only come when we follow what is true for US, not what is true for others.

Taking the time to sit with yourself and understand who you truly are, what you value, and how you want to live, is a valuable exercise. In fact, if you don’t check in with yourself regularly, you might not understand why you are “doing all the things” but you are still feeling unhappy or unfulfilled.

I spend a lot of time checking in with myself. Especially after I do something scary, or what I know is a growth move. How does it feel? What’s coming up for me? Are these feelings related to trauma? To stepping out of my comfort zone? Is this leading me in a direction that is unhealthy for me? Is this just discomfort due to growth?

I know myself quite well at this point, but still I am learning every day. I am doing a great job learning to trust myself, guiding myself and honoring myself. I am working very hard to build a solid foundation for myself, one built on my authenticity and doing what I love, and in doing this I am showing myself that I can trust myself. But some parts of this foundation building are harder than others.

Sometimes I do get scared. Sometimes I feel unstable, I feel like I’m flying with nothing beneath my feet. Most of the time this is only because I am no longer in my comfort zone. This is the growth zone. In the growth zone there is uncertainty and no guarantee that things will work out. Sometimes it feels like busting through a brick wall, and other times it feels like gingerly stepping forward into the unknown.  

People try to step into growth often. They try to pick up a new healthy habit, or they try to stop doing something that’s not good for them. They try really hard to change. But then it gets scary and they have feelings and discomfort they are not used to. And when this happens, many people turn around and tip toe back into the comfort zone, where it’s warm and cozy. They do this even when the comfort zone is intolerable, unhealthy, and emotionally challenging.

I remind myself that it takes just as much energy to forge a new path as it does to stay put and do the same thing over and over. So I do the scary things. And I check in with my inner compass. And I sit with the discomfort. I remind myself that I am unique. I’m the only me. And I know that embracing me, my authenticity and what I value, and harnessing that into growth will allow me to create any life I want to live.

So on days like these, when I have done something that’s not very comfortable, I hold myself gently and allow myself grace. I remind myself that I am no longer chasing, but I am settling into me and who I am, and this is exactly where I want to be. I remind myself that even rock stars need rest sometimes, especially after putting in a great performance of growth.

Go and do, with grace.

Xo
Nancy