Nine Years Is A LONG Time
in 2014 I was featured in a book that was geared to women in business. I was thrilled to be a part of this fun project, the brainchild of Tara Gilvar of B.I.G. (Believe.Inspire.Grow). The link to this really great women’s group is here if you want to learn more.
My quote was “Take charge of your life, no one is going to do it for you.”
Nine years is a long time. At that time I was married, had two young kids, was part owner of a printing company and was also developing my clothing line. I had big dreams. I still have big dreams, but they have changed.
I don’t know why, but I am surprised at my quote. Looking back, I see myself as being lost at that time. I see confusion, pain, challenges. I am glad to see that I had the vision to know that I had to take charge. (Sometimes we remember the bad but not the good.)
I realize that that point in time, when I joined B.I.G., was when I decided to STOP.
I decided to step off the hamster wheel, to stop living a life that society told me would make me happy, and I began walking my own path.
And as I began that walk, everything that I had tried desperately to control began to crumble around me, But I kept walking and I let it. I stayed true to myself, held on tightly to what I knew to be true for me, and I kept walking. Many times, I felt an inclination to run back and pick things up and put them back together the way they were. Many times, I wanted to run and hide under the covers. Many times, I cried for the life I thought I was owed after doing all “the right things.” On many steps, I grieved for the life I was leaving behind, and for the child in me who just wanted everything to work out.
And the more I walked, the more I learned. The more I paid attention to ME, the more I realized I had been living for everyone else. The more steps I took, the more I realized that the child in me had been searching her whole life for someone to rescue her, not realizing that the rescuer needed to be ME.
And I slowly learned to embrace ME. To love ME. I learned how to truly love others. I learned that I must allow others to be themselves, rather than requiring them to be what I want. I learned that my future, my life, my day, it is all ME. I have the power to create my life. I learned that no one else can save me from this life that I have created. I am the only one.
And as I continue walking this path, I am grateful for the people I have met, the support I have received, and the inspiration I receive daily by observing others who are walking their own paths. I am grateful for guidance from the universe, and for the friends and family who have stepped in and held me up on the days when I thought I couldn’t take another step. These friends are all over the world now and some I have never met in person. It does not lessen their impact on me and my journey.
The changes in the last nine years to my person, my mind and my physical fitness, and my environment are significant. My soul is still the same, only now I embrace it and help it to sing rather than stuff it down and dishonor it.
Nine years - that’s a long time.
Had you told me at that time what the next nine years of my life would be like, of the events I would live through, of the challenges I would face, I would have run and hid in the nearest closet.
If you told me that I would grow exponentially through these challenges, into a new and exciting version of myself, and that I would end up as a coach helping other women travel through their own challenges of life, I would have looked behind me for the other person you must be talking to.
Had you told me I would be posting raw and real photos of myself on social media, sharing my most difficult challenges, calling out my weaknesses and sharing what I’ve learned with hundreds and thousands of complete strangers, I would have laughed you out of the room.
Had you come to me as an angel and told me I would become a runner of half marathons, have an amazing relationship with my teenage children, feel hopeful instead of empty, and finally step into living my purpose…well I might have looked at you in earnest and asked “Are you sure you haven’t mixed me up with someone else?”
But here I am, nine years later. And I am doing all of these things. Each day I have walked the path and stepped into my own direction, sometimes with uncertainty, but always with the knowing that it is my job to create my life, and also knowing that while sometimes I may feel lonely, I am not alone on this path.
So about that job you are staying in, that marriage you are staying in, those habits you choose that hurt you physically or emotionally; those things that don’t serve you but you keep doing because you’ve always done them: How long are you going to stay? How long are you going to do that? How long are you going to keep yourself stuck?
I know it’s easy to tell ourselves “It’s not that bad.” And maybe it’s not, but let me ask you…can your soul take another 9 years of this, or is it withering away?
Are you ready to embrace yourself? Look up. Take a look around. Take a look ahead 9 years. Are you ready to step into the beauty that is meant for you, for your life? Are you ready to take control and step into your potential? Are you ready to let your soul sing and shine your light? If not now, when?
Go and do, with grace.
Xo
Nancy
