It May Seem Shallow, But…

I have a confession about why I run races…

Running races has become something that I love. I enjoy the vibe and the energy of it. I love being around people who take care of themselves, who train for a goal, and who then execute and reach their goal. I love the mix of people – some are confident and accomplished, and to them this is just another day. Others are excited while also nervous, because this is their first race. I learn from the former and give encouragement to the latter.

But there is another reason that I run races, one that may surprise you. It might seem a little silly. This reason might have some believing that I am over-confident, or a show off.

Here’s my confession: I run for medals.

Well, more accurately, I run for evidence.

While at first glance, coveting medals may seem boastful and shallow, I promise you this runs very deep. Let me dig into this with you for a minute.  

I have struggled with negative self-talk for most of my life. There is a voice in my head that tells me “You’re worthless. You’re a loser. You always quit. No one cares about you…” I could go on and on.

That voice has a steady stream of negativity at the ready whenever there is a free moment in my head. That voice can craft a very fitting negative narrative to pretty much any situation for me.  

Overcooked the steak for dinner? “You’re a terrible cook.” Received a less than stellar reaction to the idea I pitched at the meeting?  “ Your ideas suck.” Feeling overwhelmed because my to do list is long? “You’ll never get all that done. Just shut off the computer and go watch tv.” Skipped my morning workout class because I was up late preparing for the big meeting? “You’re a slacker.”

For most of my life I lived with this cloud over my head, oblivious to the fact that this voice wasn’t the truth.

Since I have awakened, I have realized that this voice is not spewing out FACTS, but rather LIMITING BELIEFS and FALSE NARRATIVES.

I am now pretty far into a mission to quiet that voice.

This mission is part of what they call “doing the work,” This particular work is mindset work, and like everything else in life, it takes time to master.

There are many different ways to do this work. The first step, though, is becoming aware of your negative mindset. The second step is to make a decision that you will not allow that to rule your life anymore. Then we move on to learning how it all works, and learning strategies and practices that help to change your life for the better. There are million self-help books, podcasts and gurus out there who will teach you ways to address and challenge your mindset.

I have been using many strategies. One of the ones I use is what I have coined “Examining the Evidence.” When my limiting beliefs try to muscle their way in to my head, I now talk back to the voice.  In addition to dismissing the negative thought (thank you, meditation, for strengthening this skill), I replace it with a positive thought.

Then, I invite my negative inner voice to “Examine The Evidence.”  

This is why I run for medals, and then display them proudly in my living room. When that voice decides to hop in and tries to overthrow my day, I look at the evidence - the evidence of my success. My medals are a tangible reminder that I trained, did the work, and followed through. The more evidence I gather, the more ammunition I have, and the quieter the negative voice in my head becomes.

This is part of my work. And it’s working for me. So if you see me posting about my run, or wearing my medal all day after the I finished the race, this is why. It is not to boast to others, it is to boast to myself, to silence the hater in my head that says “You can’t.” My response is “Oh yeah? Take a closer look. I can and I did.”

Go and do, with grace.

xo
Nancy

My coveted medals! :)