New Year’s Planning and Why I Never Used to Follow Through With My Plans

Welcome to New Year’s Eve! This week is always a planning week for me. I ask myself questions like “What do I want to accomplish in the New Year? How can I improve myself and my processes? How can I break things down into manageable chunks so I can get it done?” I Google ideas on “How to Plan Your Most Successful Year Ever.” And I look for quotes. I LOVE quotes!

I love finding inspirational quotes about how we have the power to create our life, like this one:

I mean, who doesn’t love Abraham Lincoln quotes?

But I have a secret to share. In the past I have struggled A LOT with following through.

Each year around New Year’s I would start off all ready to go. I’d spend hours, days even, listing the goals I want to achieve and breaking it down into little steps to achieve them.

And I would start out all gung ho and ready to slay it. “This year will be different!” I would exclaim. “This is the year I am going to follow through!!” By December I would certainly rule the world!

Yet every year. my motivation and focus would dwindle over time. First I would skip one day, and tell myself “I’ll do that tomorrow.” Then another day. And life would become hectic, and before you know it I'm just trying to get through the day, forget about achieving my dreams. The goals start looking like too much, and I tell myself that I was stupid to think that I could accomplish those things anyway. “What was I even thinking?”

Does any of this sound familiar? It sucks, doesn’t it?

This past year I have worked hard to discover what's really been holding me back. I spent months studying my habits, my behaviors, my feelings. I analyzed my patterns, and really dug deep into the whys. At its core, for me, it was a belief that I am not worthy. That I don’t deserve success.

Because of this belief, for most of my life I have sought outside validation, and have struggled to achieve my goals.

I always wanted others to give me what I needed, wanted others to tell me I'm worth it, to show me, to approve of me, to accept me.

All the while I didn't realize that the most important person I needed validation from wasn't giving it to me. Because I refused to give it to myself.

Every time I decided to not exercise, or not go for that run, or not keep my promise to myself to finish my task list, or when I decided I was "too tired" to work on that project that I said was important to me... every single one of those times, I was showing myself that I wasn't worth it. By choosing to not follow through, I was validating my negative inner story.

I have faced that negative belief, that inner story, the one that says I’m not worthy. I have challenged it, and proven to myself that I am worthy, that I do deserve success. I just needed to show myself that I am worth it. That I am worth it.

I have taken steps and actions to prove to myself that I have everything I need within me.

This year I joined a workout class and I actually went to it - regularly!

I did a 30 day alcohol free challenge and I didn’t quit!

I signed up for a 100 mile virtual race - and I finished it a week before the deadline. Even though I wavered halfway through and thought about not finishing. Even though my left knee began hurting and it needed rest. Even though I knew that in the past I would have given up.

I didn't give up. I finished. I followed through. On all of these things and more. And each time that I showed up for myself, my will became a little bit stronger. My confidence grew, and my strong inner voice became louder. The voice that told me that I'm not worthy became quieter and quieter. And now I know that I am in charge, NOT that nasty inner voice who spent years telling me that I’m not worthy.

This year I have proven to myself that I am worthy. And I am full of gratitude for that.

So now I am planning for a 2021 that is full of dreams, goals, happiness and success that I feel worthy of. I also recognize that I will stumble. But I'm okay with that. Because now I have confidence and I know how to pick myself back up after stumbling. I've learned how to not beat myself up. I've learned to not expect perfection. I now give myself permission to be human, and can recover from my mistakes with grace, and with confidence that I can do better in the future.  

And for me, 2021 is going to be a year of showing up for myself again and again. Because I'm worth it.

Go and do, with grace.

xo
Nancy